OVERCOMING MY FEAR
New Wine was such a special piece for me to create. I chose some cherished pieces for the still life photo shoot. The carnival glass pedestal bowl belonged to my grandmother and the crystal glass belonged to my mother-in-law. I set up this still life about three years ago and made many photos at different angles with different lighting. I then took it into my photo editing program and came up with some photos I thought would make a great painting reference. I stopped there because I was afraid I might not possess the skills needed to create this piece with colored pencils. The reflections in the vase and the crystal glass really intrigued me, but I was just not confident I could pull it off, and so the photos went into my files for future inspiration.
I purchased some dark UART paper several months ago and decided to give it a try. I love the sanded surfaces to work on, but the dark paper was something new for me. So, I started going through my photos looking for a subject that would be great on this dark surface. I came across the photo I had taken of what is now New Wine. I was inspired instantly, but also very fearful of taking on this challenge, but I decided to go for it. What did I have to lose? So, I worked through the composition for the piece and got my line drawing on the dark UART. And then the fear hit again! Some of the thoughts going through my head were “you’ve never done reflections before”, “this is too hard for you”, “this could be a complete flop”, “you’ve never worked on dark paper before”, “are you crazy”, and on and on it went. I decided to face my fears and go with this project and do it afraid! A famous quote by Vincent Van Gogh is: “If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” This quote has proven to be true in my art life!
I really wanted a luminescent look in this painting. I had read several articles and blogs by Julie Podolski of how she achieved a “glow” in several of her colored pencil art works. After looking at several of her pieces I knew that I needed to incorporate some of her techniques into this piece I was creating. So, I applied a white Luminance pencil first to the dark paper in areas where I wanted it to appear luminous. I also used a white Neocolor 2, which is a watersoluble wax pastel. I used the white NeoColor 2 on top of the white Luminance in areas I really wanted the luminance to be striking. I used it dry and did not wet at any point. I then applied my colors on top of the white and it really worked. The other parts of the painting I just applied the Luminance pencils on top of the dark UART and I was quite surprised at how vibrant the colors were without putting any white underneath them. Most research I had done recommended using the white pencil on all of the dark surface where color would be applied. I experimented on a small piece of the dark and found, with the Luminance pencils, this wasn’t necessary. I believe this is because the Luminance pencils are so rich with pigment. They truly are some of my most favorite colored pencils.
The first subject I finished in the painting was the crystal glass. On this dark paper, this was not as hard or complicated as I had perceived it to be! I kept telling myself, “paint what you see”. instead of dwelling on the thought that I had never done this before. It worked out beautifully! I stepped back from the painting after completing the crystal glass and was amazed. It really looked like a crystal glass! I gained a lot of confidence from that point on. The rose was next, and having done several flowers before, it was just fun for me. I was pleased with how vibrant the reds were on this dark paper! Now, I’m to the carnival glass bowl. I love this bowl for many reasons. One, my grandmother gave it to me, and two, the colors in this bowl are just beautiful. The challenge is all of the reflected colors in this glass as well as the patterns of the grapes on the bowl. I focused again to just paint the shapes in the colors I see. I decided to relax and enjoy the process. Fear fell away more and more with each stroke of my pencils. The grapes in the bowl were really fun to create as well. Several of them had caught the light and had a very luminous look and I thought they were portrayed that way very well. I was so pleased with how the bowl and the grapes had turned out! Those inner voices were not shouting as loudly now. The two things I had feared the most in this painting were now complete!
But now, I look at this wine bottle, and see all of the reflections in it as well and the fear is back, but not as strongly as when I began. The fear now was not as much due to the reflections, but because I had done a tutorial in my early days of working in colored pencils which had a wine bottle in it. Let’s just say it didn’t turn out so well. I lost the correct shape of the bottle in that piece and could not correct the errors I had made. This piece is filed away where no one else sees it, but I remembered. So, I had to face the fear and go with this challenge in spite of that memory. To be sure I stayed in check with the symmetry of the bottle, I kept putting my line drawing over my painting to be sure it was correct. My line drawing was on Duralar film so this made it easy to do. It was a matter of finding a way to keep myself in check, so the same thing didn’t happen again. When the wine bottle was finished, I felt like I had climbed Mt. Everest! The painting still wasn’t complete, but the parts that had made me so fearful were done and I was pleased! Now, I just had to finish the piece of black velvet that was underneath this still life. The light had reflected on the black velvet and I had been pondering while working on the other areas how I would portray those reflections on the velvet. I completed where the cloth was with black, and some areas had indigo blue and dark greens added to the black where reflections from the other pieces were on the velvet. I then experimented again on another small piece of the dark UART and found if I just lightly glazed with the side of a light blue pencil, it brought to life the light hitting the fabric as well as the folds in the velvet. I was ecstatic now! I desired for my background to be darker and so I went over it with a black Stabilo All pencil, and then again with the black Luminance pencil. I called it done!
This piece is probably my most favorite piece I have completed yet. Part of that is because I faced some major fears and didn’t let the fear win. I learned so much along the way. I’m more prepared for the next time I face these subjects. I hope this may challenge you to face your fears when you face your next difficult subject matter. My advice, do it afraid! Silence that voice within saying you can’t, because YOU CAN!!!!
